What is the Change Cycle?
““all of us are walking around with an illusion, an illusion that history, our personal history, has just come to an end, that we have just recently become the people that we were always meant to be and will be for the rest of our lives.””
The Change Cycle is "the one constant feature of human life, and from time to time, redecorating just isn't enough. We make transitions that uproot the foundations of our lives, and we go directly into the journey of change." (Martha Beck, Finding Your Own North Star).
The cycle is a catalyst plus four stages (Dissolve, Dream, Act, Adjust). Each stage overlaps the next, so as one stage winds down, the next cranks up. In every area of your life, you will be somewhere in this cycle. They may all be in Adjust, but it’s more likely that there will be areas of your life (a relationship, career, money etc.) that is somewhere else in the cycle.
The result of each cycle is an old identity dissolved, a new perception of Self and/or the world is created, and you've taken action to make that changed perception real.
Why should we understand the Change Cycle?
When we understand the Change Cycle we are better able to support ourselves and seek support. It can feel comforting to know that this is a normal process, one that you've experienced before and moved through successfully. The old adage 'this too shall pass' can be a supportive reminder, particularly in the first two stages when things are very internal and emotional.
More tangibly, understanding the cycle can:
Bring awareness to where we experience internal or external shifts, and which life areas are stable versus in flux
Identify areas of stress that require more attention
Allow us to support ourselves with understanding and grace
Prompt us to set realistic expectations for ourselves
Help us understand we aren't meant to stand still. When we do, we can feel stagnant, stuck, unhappy, and wanting more
Change Cycle
Catalyst
This is the event that starts the change cycle and will be one of three types:
Shock - An unwelcome event from outside yourself (e.g. job loss, death, breakup of relationship etc.)
Opportunity - A choice, that could be happy/joyful AND still stressful and difficult (e.g. accept a new job, have a child, move to a new home/town/country etc.)
Growth - Wisdom, knowledge or an experience that helps us mature (e.g. a conversation, taking a course, an impactful book/podcast/movie etc.)
Dissolve
The first stage requires us to dissolve our current identity, grieve, question culture and/or socialization. The catalyst triggers a lot of emotions that require time and space to allow and process.
In this stage, be kind to yourself and rest. Hibernate, yell, cry, and spend time doing whatever feels comforting in the moment.
Support suggestions:
Create play lists for your emotions (eg. grief, anger, disappointment)
Curl up with a blanket and warm drink - Rest, cry, nap
Sit in nature, or look at beautiful pictures of nature
Cuddle with your pet(s)
Journal (written or spoken)
Seek support from your people (trusted friend/family, therapist etc.)
Dream
In this stage, you begin to dream and use your imagination to explore what's possible.
Follow your curiousity and intuition, get creative with a vision board, daydream, experiment with new clothing styles/makeup/hairdo/home décor. Notice when dreaming starts to move into making action plans.
Support suggestions:
Experiment with your style
Update/clean your home
Vision board
Journal (written or spoken)
Listen to uplifting, dreaming music
Meditation
Create (draw, paint, sing, craft)
Spend time in nature
Move your body
Act
Now we're moving from the internal world to the external world by making plans and taking action on the dreams.
In this stage, expect things to go wrong and be willing to start over, adjust your dreams and plans based on your learnings in this phase. It's really important in this phase to keep going even when things are hard.
Support suggestions:
List your tasks
Create a plan/schedule
Seek out information (courses, coaches, books, online resources)
Identify your first step(s) - Make them 'turtle steps', so small it's silly not to complete them
Adjust
Settle into your new identity and optimize the situation or transformation.
It's time to enjoy yourself, if things are working don't change them, but make small adjustments to reduce any lingering stress and/or make things a little more pleasant. In this phase, just know that another change is coming (it's inevitable!)
Support suggestions:
Pause and reflect on how you're feeling/identify small areas to adjust
Rest and enjoy
“Life’s energy is never static. It is as shifting, fluid, changing as the weather. Sometimes we like how we’re feeling, sometimes we don’t. Then we like it again. Then we don’t. Happy and sad, comfortable and uncomfortable alternate continually. This is how it is for everyone.”
References
Article: 10 Ways to Cope With Big Changes | Psychology Today
Website: The Change Cycle - Martha Beck
TedTalk: Dan Gilbert: The psychology of your future self
Book: Martha Beck Finding Your Own North Star (2001, Three Rivers Press)
Most of her books address the Change Cycle in some form, but this one specifically addresses the cycle, including more details and recommendations for moving with each stage.
